How to tell parents your dating an older guy

A movie night at your house or invite everyone to your siblings soccer game; two places your parents will most likely be present.

Make sure everyone involved is allowed to express their needs, concerns, and issues dealing with you dating an older guy.

Any good relationship, the people involved are treated with equal respect and value, and when someone is dismissing your thoughts because of your age, thats bullshit behavior because its rude, and because it can make you feel disrespected and chip away at your self-worth.

Of the most frequent just wondering questions we get here at rookie is some variation on the following: im a teenager and im thinking about dating/am intensely attracted to a person whos significantly older than me.

For me, it drives me crazy when i see an older man with a younger woman and here, im talking about older older and younger younger, like anything more than a fifteen-year split.

Parts:proving yourself to your parentsadvocating for your potential boyfriendtalking with your parentscommunity q&a.

These and all relationships, its crucial to communicate clearly what your boundaries are, and by this i dont mean wordlessly steering someones hand away from where its feeling around on your skirt like 23 times in a row while youre kissing them.

They will either inform your other parent on their own, or their opinion could be the only one that matters to you.

At some point well do a piece on age differences in queer relationships, but this one is about teenage girls dating older dudes.

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't bring up the conversation too casually when they are in the middle of doing something, like getting ready for work or taking care of your sibling.

No one who cares about your wellbeing will seek to do this to you, no matter how attracted they might be to your personhood.

Try not to complain to your parents, this childish behavior will only hinder your chances.

Your parents find out that you were dating this guy in secret before getting their permission, they may demand an end to the relationship.

Not rise your voice to your parents or treat them with with an aggressive attitude.

Third preface is that this article is, by design, focused on the younger woman/older man dynamic, because thats what so many of you have written to us about, and its so powerful a cultural trope as to have spawned novels, movies, stereotypes, and clichs.

Less your potential boyfriend negatively interferes in your relationship with your parents, the more likely your parents will be convinced to let you have a relationship with him.

. while older people might know more about books and kissing and good bands of the past, they probably also know more about how to manipulate people.

What your parents usually ask of you and complete it before they have to remind you.

How to tell parents your dating an older guy


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Speaking to the point will show that you are confident enough to understand how you feel, which in turn will show your parents that you are mature enough for this relationship.

If youre unsure, a good rule of thumb is to draw the line at getting involved with anyone who is older than you by a quarter of the years youve been alive.

Older guys: everything you always wanted to know about them, and weren't at all afraid to ask.

For all the dangers that come with dating older people, there are upsidesobviously, or we wouldnt need to have had this lil talk.

Another problem of theirs is that youre not going to stick around so that they can try to convince you that this is what mature people do and that its really not a big deal and that you cannot tell a grown man to wait.

You have literally the rest of your earthly days to date people in their 20s and up, but you can never have a real high-school romance again after 12th grade is over.

Yes, he might be into you because you like the same bands and you act "mature for your age.

Is already difficult, so its easy to say dating becomes exceptionally harder when you add overprotective parents to the equation.

Staying true to your word will leave a lasting impression on your parents good side.

Your potential boyfriend is not already friends with your group, have an initial hangout session where he gets to meet your friends.

When i was with alan, i was constantly afraid of seeming immature and unintelligent, which led me to go along with a lot of what he said and what he wanted to do, even stuff i didnt agree with.

Not necessarily just sexually, but myriad other ways, too: the first guy you watch the godfather with, the guy who buys you a copy of pink floyd's "dark side of the moon," the first one in the passenger's seat as soon as you get your learner's permit.

Unless it's just a fun, sexy, baggage-free throw-you-over-your-desk situation where nobody gets hurt at the end.

Let your parents know why you feel this relationship should move from platonic to romantic.

But i encourage you to take a step back and consider the motives of anyone significantly older than you.

I just think that dating someone who is so much older than you might not be the best idea.

I first started getting involved with older men, i was all age aint nothin but a number.

Having such an extreme reaction will just show your parents that you are still immature.



If your date is older than you, this could definitely add some distress between you and your helicopter parents.

I thought i was totally prepared to deal with the daily realities of having a boyfriend who was older than me by a decade-plus, which turned out to be less than correct.

But maybe within it, youll find these points as useful as i would have at your age.

Tell the person that youre with, in words, what you are and are not ready to do, preferably well before any of those activities are on the verge of happeningyou dont want to have to make a split-second decision in the heat of the moment about what is or isnt off limits.

When you are ready to speak to your parents about possibly dating this guy, they will know who he is instead of him just being a stranger.

Its easy to feel flattered and ~so adult~ when this is happeningit can be totally exciting when a cute older person thinks youre cool!

Really common for older partners to pull the youre-so-young-and-i-know-so-much-better-than-you card about just about everything, from movies to politics to sex.

They will put more weight on your views and feelings if they see you are attempting to understand their own.

Would i be this freaked out if one of my sons was dating an older woman?

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Speak as clearly as you can about how you want to date a guy older than you.

If you feel that you deserve the space and freedom that comes with dating an older guy, then you need to understand that it may come with having to do things you dont necessarily want to do.

So, in addition to potentially messing with your brain, which is obviously what i care about most and what well be primarily dealing with after this point, getting sexually involved with an older person if youre under the age of consent (which varies from state to state and from country to country) could result in that persons being sent to jail, which is a pretty serious thing to keep in mind.

) maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend went off to college, maybe you met a cute 21-year-old drummer at a showthese things happen and are fine as long as you feel comfortable with this older person.

If any of this sounds like something youre experiencing, please tell someone right away, even ifmaybe especially ifyoure afraid to do so.

You might feel like you and your older person are emotional equals, but again, age and gender differences create power imbalances, and those can be leveraged to pressure you into stuff, no matter how self-possessed you are.

. because of the whole potential-incarceration-of-their-partner thing, a teenager may have to hide a relationship with an older person from everyone else in their life.

Next thing you know, he's your closest friend as well as your boyfriend which creates a co-dependent dynamic that's bad for any relationship.

Plotting to french an older person, you might be tempted to rationalize the stretch of time between your two births thusly: well, my mom and my dad [or whoever] are seven years apart in age and theyre doing swell, so lets get this thing goin.

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Do you think honesty is the best policy or would you date someone behind your parents backs? Let us know what you think!

If they are telling you why they dont want you to date an older guy, try your best to see where they are coming from.

Being attracted to someone older just means you are a human person who sometimes thinks other human people are sexy!

. you have plenty of time to date people older than you, but not nearly as much to have a high-school romance.

Follow through with any commitments you have made with them, and it will prove that you are capable of keeping an intelligent outlook throughout a relationship with an older guy.

I cant tell you his real name because our relationship was a secret and also illegal, and even though the statute of limitations on that crime has expired, he would be still be rightly embarrassed to have anyone in his life know that he was creepin with a high school sophomore when he was five years out of college.

, heres where i bring up the big topic that drives the whole controversy surrounding this discussion, one which i would have rolled my eyes at when i was dating my 28-year-old, but which i now know is a valid line of thinking: if a person who is of legal drinking age or above makes a habit of courting people who are in high school, theres a good chance they might be a pedophile (or, if you want to be super technical, an ephobophile).

This responsible behavior will show your parents that you hold their opinions in high regard.

Remember that your parents are probably thinking about a thousand things at once and if either of them work, they won't have that much time on their hands.

Your natural answer might be the one i would have given when i was 15: because we are a perfect match and i am special and very mature.

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