Discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma.
"talk about a disasternot only did i lose a good girlfriend over it, the ex ended up dumping me!
In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don't push them to associate if they're not into it.
In fact, when we met, my now-partner was on a date with my best friend.
, it's a weird thing to go after someone who definitely had sex with your best friend.
For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her.
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Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.
, youre faced with a most unenviable predicament: walk away from someone who could end up being the love of your life, or put one of your friendships in jeopardy.
What to do when your dating your friend's ex
The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your dude with your besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life.
Because they did it in friends, it doesnt mean its ok in real life, guys.
But do you think the idea of my body being metaphorically blown to smithereens stopped me from dating not one, but two (yeah.
Guys and gals get to know their friends significant others in nonthreatening, no-pressure contexts and learn to appreciate what their friend liked about them.
If your pal grabbed drinks with a dude three times before things fizzled, he doesnt qualify as an ex.
If someone seriously mistreated your friend (we're talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc.
So even if your friend is ok with you dating her ex, you are likely going to see a lot less of your friend.
This has nothing to do with some kind of eternal dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you're telling your friend you don't think what he did to her was all that bad.
Soyoure probably not going to be keen on your mate bringing them down the pub.
What to do when you're dating your best friend
Realistically speaking, its no shocker that best friends who share tastes in things like chilean sauvignon blanc and velvet vintage bags would also be attracted to the same guy.
: 12 infuriating pieces of dating advice married people love to dish out to their single friends.
Familiar with friends will be fully aware of how often they swapped and shared partners.
Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party.
Being said, if you find yourself drawn much more strongly toward the ex, then its worth thinking about.
Is dating a friends ex always the backstabbing and thoughtless move we make it out to be?
However, if shes one of your lifelong friends, be prepared for the reality that you might lose her.
This goes for friends and partners who haven't dated, too, now that i think of it.
Don't ask your man if you're prettier/smarter/better at scrabble than his last girlfriend.
"once they started dating, she made me nix all contact with him and block him on social media.
) its about what i didn't do and, more importantly, what people should do when pursuing the exes of their best friends, or less-than-best friends, even.
: 22 reasons to stop worrying about his ex-girlfriend17 things i wish i'd known about getting over an ex when i was younger11 reasons why he broke up with youfollow lindsay on twitter.
Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.
The romantic relationship is strong enough to handle the repercussions, its not wrong to pick your future husband over your college roommate.
Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back.
If your friend isnt over it and is still actively requiring your support, its not very ethical to go in," says dr.
Might be the case that dating this guy would completely ruin a friendship, and youd have to move to another country.
Assess the situation by putting yourself in their shoes and thinking about how you would react if the situation was flipped.
You go sticking your tongue in stray orifices (like her face, ya pervert) talk to your friend and tell him how you feel.
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"my friend had a one night stand with my ex a few years after we broke up and i was fine with it, because im in the camp that whats past is past.
Butif youre wondering how to go about dating your friends ex, and you think the pursuit might really have potential, dont worry, you are not a terrible person.
Were often authentic around our friends' boyfriends because we see them as off limits and were not trying to impress them.
Hope we can all agree that our friendships are more important to us than a few exciting dates with the next best thing.
If your friend claims to not care about witnessing affection, make a point to tone it down while around him.
The best thing is to be honest with yourself regarding the nature of your feelings.
Youre into it, hes into it, theres some serious chemistry, and you might have stumbled upon something really special.
It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush.
Take it from a guy who has been in this tight spot a time or twothere are three things you must do before moving forward with your friends ex.
It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.
Dating a friends ex always the backstabbing and thoughtless move we make it out to be?
"i dated a friends ex once and it was the worst thing ive ever done for this reason: we kept it a secret and we shouldnt have.
"if your friend isnt over it and is still actively requiring your support, its not very ethical to go in.
Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.
Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.
And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part.
They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.
, yet without intending to come across as territorial in a caveman-defecating-on-his-patch-of-land sort of way, that person was with you and was part of your life.
Or, in a much more complicated way, that rob kardashian would fall in love with his half-sisters boyfriends baby mama.
Besides, comparing yourself to anybody even if you come out ahead is always going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is not healthy.
You're gay, straight, bi, or not into labels, dating a friend's ex can absolutely be done without sacrificing your friendship you just have to follow a few simple guidelines.
They dated casually for a few weeks before they split up and we got together, and three years later the same friend gave one of the readings at our wedding.
Your friend may be ok with whats happening at one point, but their feelings may change.
Walk them through your feelings, explain your intentions, and really try to convey that you're not just looking for sex and legitimately can fall in love.